The pure Insaciable Blatherings
hello says:
Kill yourself.
Sarah says:
Hmm, why?
hello says:
Killing yourself would allow you to live within your life’s adventure–no longer withered by the decay, no longer inhibited by the virus, opposing the destruction & timid placcidity of your tracks.
Sarah says:
Thats a good point
hello says:
(didn’t mean Kill Yourself in the literal sense; meant Kill Yourself the ego, the surface, the restricted one)
Sarah says:
But it would be hard to choose which fantasy to live in
hello says:
Would it be a choice?
Sarah says:
Yesh
there are many
Unless I could drift in and out of all of them
hello says:
What would make it a choice? Maybe the fantasy, having already been aware of your coming towards it, already rests at the moment you Die.
Maybe you can drift in & out of them. Isn’t that what human growth is? A temporary set of levels & fantasies inducted into our psyche to ‘form’ someone, an identity, for the time being?
Sarah says:
Yes, you move from one mindset to the next, every changing, not always for the better
But to live insideones fantasy, the dream must evolve some kind of reality
Like a coma
Maybe I should go into a coma
hello says:
The better/worse is an obstacle, a time-wheel..& the dream seeps through one’s eyelids. Their fingertips. Your lips & mind’s -need- to create. Coma?
No. Don’t go into a coma.
Maybe you should, come think of it.
Sarah says:
I would have the choice of coming back to reality if I like
intact wth my essence, able to live in the dream for however long I chooce without having ti kill a part of myself
hello says:
I didn’t know people -chose- to stay inside comas. But your consciousness would be asleep; certainly, your world, your dream, your real life fantasy is alive, but it’s a galaxy & universes inside a dime. Do you think you could live inside that?
“I would have the choice of coming back to reality if I like” — Sarah Nicole Newman describing insanity
Sarah says:
lmao
Yes indeed
I think that the reason why some peole stay in comas for years is because they do not want to part with thatever dream they are having
whatever*
They choose to stay and live in it, noknowing how much time that is passing while they are asleep
And teh other, that only sleep for a short couple of days, are the ones to realize that they have spent too much time in dream land. Either that, or they do not like the fantasy they are having
hello says:
How long do you think you’d stay for?
Sarah says:
Thats hard to say
I think with all my family and friends…the longest I would stay would be a week, maybe two
But lets say I was alone..or really old. I would probably stay as long as my mind would let me
hello says:
As long as your mind would let you.. Which implies that your mind–you–would ‘let’ you go, implying that it wouldn’t be a choice at all. Other than the choice to let yourself go, which you didnt predetermine, but was allowed.
What do you know about the subconscious reality?
Sarah says:
I ment….Hmm. When I dream I usually can control the dream, but only as far as I have thought th fantasy out
hello says:
ah
Sarah says:
If I have not created an ending yet, then it just ends, and I wake up. But if I have thought it out.the dream keeps going till I reach the end, no matter if I wake up in the middle, when I go back to sleep my dream will pick up where it left off
hello says:
like the drawing board before a film crew shoots a scene?
Sarah says:
Exactally
hello says:
So you’re essentially creating your own..dream.
Sarah says:
Yup
And I can only dream as many scenes as I have drawn out before hand
Or else it halts to a sudden ending
hello says:
Doesn’t that depend on what you know, or are curious about, though?
Sarah says:
How do you mean?
Dreams bend the limits of reality, so here really is no limit to it. Though, a realistic dream….I would have to know certian facts for it to continue
hello says:
Right
Sarah says:
I cant dream about the outer limits of space realisticly when I have no intelegence onit
hello says:
But people make the arguments that dreams are manifestos of our subconscious’ reality, what’s seen “as real”; & our subconscious relies on what’s “supposedly” soaked up by our conscious awareness.
I’m a stubborn ass because you’ve interested me, & I only mean to understand you better
Sarah says:
Thats only half of it…Part of a dream is what you see and know. and the other half is what you want it to be
No your fine, I am enjoying this conversation
Half reality, half fantasy
hello says:
Okay
Sarah says:
I do believe that Dreams have an underlying meaning
hello says:
the ‘you’ in those sentences, do you mean the ‘you’; the external, the part of ourselves (yourself) that needs to kill itself, or the inner us? The core ‘you’ that relishes on..internal cognitives?
As do I.
Which makes me wonder why I woke up with you on my mind.
Sarah says:
Hmm, the inner part
the part thats there but no one really knows about. Its the part that you can not control, it just lays, silent observing and taking everything in
hello says:
The you that you’re unaware of, even.
Sarah says:
Maybe I was in your dream? Did you dream last night, do you remember?
Yup
You dont know its there, but it is
hello says:
Only the last few moments before I wake up, I remember. You dont know its there, but it is. Reminds me of Jung’s theory about The Collective Unconscious; & that whole..thing dissecting one’s ENTIRE conscious being as an onion, or multi-layered pyramid.
So then, why.. How often do you ‘plan’ to escape the chains & storms of your life’s events, when you dream?
Maybe you -were- in my dream. It’d make sense, considering what I discovered today. Hm.
Sarah says:
I have several daydreams through out the day. Mosty plans for my story and what not….Dependsing on what interests me I might plan something out all day. And when I go to bed, I lay there in te darkess and daydream, which often leads to living it out when I go to sleep
It depends on how long it takes for me to go to sleep to determine how far I plan it all out
Though, of course there are always times where I hve a dream that I did not plan out, that I have no control over.
Has anything interested you today that you’d like to discover more out of?
If we ever meet, I’d like to see “Rashomon” with you. “Without giving anything away, the film’s plot revolves around three people telling their own versions of the same incident..
I am finished.
SentenceSentenceSentenceSentenceSentenceSentenceSentenceSentence.
I am finished.
Why were you thinking of it?& have you been anywhere else other than..Oh shoot..I forgot where you live..WV? Chicago. Have you ever been to SanFran? Or India? Or someplace that enhances the sensory stimulation rather than just surface “BANGBANGUNGHGHGHGH”?
Complications
How come friends cant just be friends without someone having to look at you and think you differently because of it? What does it matter to them what I do, it does not effect them, so why should they care? Why is there so many labels on a friends ship just because of the actions that are taken within it?
One thing that bothers me the most is that people think that a man and a woman cant be just friends. What is “just friends” anyways? Sex is sex, it does not mean that there is any other meaning behind it. If I want sexual attention, I would rather have it with someone I know and trust. What is so wrong with that…Nothing.
And even discluding sex, there are so many other things that people try to label a friendship as. Even if its with two girls…people always think that something is going on, same with men. And I dont mean just sexually, there is so much more. Though sexually seems to be the big one in most situations. Even if it is relevent, it does not mean they are wrong for it.
What suproses me the most…is that someone who you think will always be your friend, turns out to change thier mind, or not be sure about it. I dont judge, there is no point. Everyone has thier own oppinion, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Everything in life has good and bad in it, it just depends on how the two weigh eachother out. And in the end, there is still good, no matter how small.
I have lost alot of friends that way, because I was jugded.
There are alot of things I want to say, most of which having absolutly nothing to do with anything said above. I am not sure how to out any of it into words though. There are problems at home, nothing serious just everyday things…And then there are problems in site, not exactally problems, just..complications.
And then there is myself…I dont really have issues with my own being, but I just wish things would move along faster for me. There are alot of things I need to get done, to start moving myself forward in life. The thing is, is that I dont ahve all the much control of the situation. I know its mylife, and my choices, but when it comes to work and school and such…There is only so much I can do before someone else give the go ahead to move me tot he next step. Its all very frustrating.
I took a friends advice the other day and got out of the house and spent some time for myself. I needed it, even if it was only for alittle while, it just needed to get away for a day and refelect on everything. I feel much better now, though there are still somethings I am having probles with, but thats just how life goes.
I am starting to realize some things about the people around me, weather it be good or bad, my eyes are starting to see past first impressions. Its amazing the variety of people I know and associate with, some of them good, and others not so good. But friends all the same, weather it be on a day to day baises, or every now and again when we bump into eachother.
I used to think that I was not much for making friends, that I was shy. I used to be very shy not to long ago, but something blossomed inside of me, and I am starting to get to knwo myself, as well as others.
Vivacious Dreams
I uasually love dreaming, beings able to slip into a world that has double meanings and no restrictions of reality. My stories are often inspired by my dreams, because I always remember them, and I will somtimes mold it into a story somehow. Nightmares are something I rearly have, though my definition of a nightmare is different than others, usually something that would sacre someone else fascinates me. Though I have still have had my fair share of nightmares..
This past month though, I have had teh same dream every couple of nights, it dose not scare me, but I am preplexed as to why I keep having it. The dream always starts out normal, I am at home with my family, everyone going about as they usually do…But then at some point it changes, my family is replaced by people I have never met before, but I know who they are. Or atleast I reconize them, but I can never place where I have seen them before. They never talk to me though, its as if thwy dont even know I am there. They just walk around my house like they have no idea what they are supossed to do.
Its interesting.
And then, there is one man, the only on that I think can see me, and he follows me around everywhere. He always says things to me that dont make sence, but whenever I try to talk back to him, he vanishes, and reapreas when I stop looking for him. Over and over this hapens, nothign ever changes, and nothing important ever happens…
Most of the time when I have a dream, I can find the meaning behind it, weather it is important or not there is always a meaning. Something your mind has tucked away in the back and twisted around till it breaks free of the laws of reality, let for you to analize and figure out the underlineing message.
Like, a while back I had this dream. It was me and my dad and we were walking home at night, as we turned a corner there was a tiger rolling around in the grass. My dad didnt seem to mind it, but I was scared as hell, especially when the tiger got up and padded over to me, only to pounce on me. I thought I was going to die, get eaten alive. But all he did was wrap his paws around me and nibble and lick at my waist. Eventually it let me go and followed me and my dad home, only to walk to me the front door, then leave when I was inside. Then, when we got inside, my house had been ambushed by cows, tearing at every made up bed in the house….
There was more to the dream, but all that is above is all I need to tell you the underlineing meaning to the dream.
I had this dream a while back, when I had first started dating Bret. Now in my dream, the lion had represented bret, a beautiful creature that I was fascinated yet scared of. Because thats who he was, I have never been to curious about another human being, and have never been so scared of a man. Not because he was mean, or because he was abusive. No I was frightened because I was so curious and so fascinated, and I knew that if I let my gaurd down, that he would be the one to break me.
Yet this dangerious, fascinated creature was as playfull as a kitten. Thats why int he dream I was not hurt, why the tiger only held me down and nibbled at me playfully. bret also always walked me to the front door.
Now for the cows and the beds. When I would spend the night at Brets house, he would always make the bed before we went to sleep, something I never cared to do. Though after I started dating him I HAD to make the bed before I went to sleep. Also, every dinner at his house he would pour me a glass of milk, also something I didnt usually do. But of course, he got me into doing it all the time. So explains the cows and the beds.
See there, I just tore apart my dream and found out the meaning, its not hard to do, but for some reason with this dream I have been having I can seem to figure it out.
Now, I am a very persistant person, and if I want something I usualy dont stop untill I get it. I cant help it, I like chalenges, so here I am irritated at this damn dream. Unable to figure out the blasted thing, and its driving me crazy, I have evaluated my entire life trying to find out what the dream could mean. No such luck.
I have figured out that if I fall asleep listening to Peter Pan on audiobook that I dont have dreams, but that only last a couple nights before they come back. And if I dont dream because of the book, I will wake up grumbeling about the wonders of Peter Pan. Being mad because I think Peter should grow up with wendy, or that Wendy should stay in Neverland with Peter….If you have not realized Peter Pan is one of my favorate tales, that so does not end the way I want it too.
In all honesty, I just want to dream to go away, its really starting to bother me that I cant figure it out, and that damn man that follows me around really disturbs me. Damn subconsious and its sick sence of humor.
Spring Cleaning
Spring cleaning is my favorate time of year. Its where you get a chance to rummage through all the crap that has accumilated in the last year and toss it all out, forget about all the worries and problems, start over with a new slate. Thats exactally what Spring is, a time of rebirth fro the world, and it reflects on all of us.
Not only is it a chance for me to start over, but spring cleaning come with one of my favorate things…Garage sales!
Dont ask why, because I have no idea, but I have always loved garage sales, ever since I was little. Its just so interesting going from house to house and seeing what people have collected, fell in love with, then eventualy grow tired of. One mans trash is another mans tresure. I have picked up some of the most interesting things in garage sales. But I could go hourse at one house and not buy a thing.
You can tell alot about people by the things they collect. Odly enough though, I have never personaly have had a garage sale. Probably because I never had anything worth selling, and anything I did have I didnt want to part with.
Revivations are being done on the house at the moment, getting everything ready for my cousins graduation and family visits. We are going the whole nine yards, new paint job, floors, furniture, curtians…you name it. Between work and home I am suprised I have time for a life. Hmm, well that statement is not very true. I really need to get out.
